I’m going to say this straight out: I like Resonant Blue. I really, really do. But it was just so…not what I wanted. I was so pissed to find out that the “Ue~” was done by Takahashi, not Linlin. I mean, I really thought they were Lin’s, and I was so upset to find out that they weren’t. Don’t get me wrong, I love Takitty, but Linlin is the most experienced out of the 8th gen. For God’s sake, give her something.

Now, am I surprised at the line distribution? No. I’m really not. Though my love for Koharu is waning greatly. I still love her, but this was just not a good song to give to her. Mikan was perfect, she slotted right into all that sugary happy cheer. Resonant Blue? It just…didn’t look right. Reina looked appropriately bitchy (not like she has to try, right?) and Takahashi doesn’t really have any persona to adhere to, which is starting to be a good thing. She was great in Mikan, all smiles and sweet delivery, and she manages to be appropriately badass here, pulling out her man-voice and that awesome, awesome eyeliner. But Koharu? For God’s sake, there’s a time and place for that crack-induced manic grin. This song is not one of those times and places, okay?

And, well…Koharu’s just not sexy. Well, that’s untrue. She can be sexy, but it comes out in a very unconscious way. Koharu is at her sexiest when she’s just posing confidently in a bikini or smiling normally at the camera. All the seductive dance moves and mature clothing don’t do anything for her - if anything, they make her look strange.

Meanwhile, in the background, Eri and Risa are working it and can I just say: Risa is hot. I’m serious. She’s grown up into a very attractive young lady, so straighten those curls out and give her a chance, UFA!

Anyway.

And there is KameShige action in the PV, which is proof that there is a Jpop God, and he clearly reads my blog.

Reina looks like a prostitute. I mean it. And not in a good way. I’m not just saying that ’cause I hate her, I’m saying it because it’s real, opinionated truth. Yay biased writing! Hey, I never said I was in this to bring truth to the masses.

Okay, this. This is exactly what I’m talking about with the Koharu situation. Reina is about to walk in and do her solo line while glaring at us under her eyebrows of death while Takahashi makes sex noises and flips what’s left of her hair…and Koharu air guitars. Um. Yeah. I love the girl, just not here.

Risa is homeless. But she can take a taxi.

HEY HEY EVERYBODY I JUST SPOTTED JUNJUN FOR THE FIRST AND ONLY TIME IN THIS DANCE SHOT!

Look at those boots! And y’all are saying she’s not a prostitute.

Eri wants us to rock on and have a good night! We’ll take that advice. Jesus, this dance shot is depressing. I mean, the dance isn’t as bad as previous ones (oh Sexy Boy, why did you have to ruin your greatness with that para-para?), but…my God. Resonant Blue is just so…blue. It’s killing my day.

Takahashi is hot. Wow. Short hair makes you way sexier than you were before, news at 11. (Unless you’re Sun Ye.) Or maybe it’s just the fact that she’s glaring. I can kinda see what it was about Mikitty that had everyone going now.

Reina’s pissed, yo.

And now it’s time for the dance shot in another room! My God, this PV is so high budget. I mean, I think that’s a real dance room! And that was probably a real tunnel Reina was under. They even splurged and got Sayu and Eri real crepes in a real amusement park. I applaud you, UFA. It took guts to take away from the Berryz’ budget like that. I’ll bet you anything that’s why their next single is called “Yuke Yuke Monkey Dance.”

Aika’s adorable. I can’t find anything that I really like about her, other than the fact that she looked awesome in those first few seconds of the dance shot and she has got the cutest face ever.

But as much as I love Aika, she cannot compare to LINLIN. Seriously. Oh my God Linlin you are so awesome. I worship you and your baby-eating ways.

Su! Pe! Su-pe-sha-ru GEN-E-RA-TION! OI!

Okay, maybe not.

I finally got a clear shot of hooker!Reina’s face. Reina, I’d feel so much worse saying this about you if you didn’t piss me off so much. You’re cute, though. I’ll give you that. And you look great in a bikini. I hope that makes up for all the insults I throw at you…no? Too bad.

And now it’s time for all the girls to stare at us like we’re a new species of a bug that they’ve never seen before!

Reina just kind of glares. What, is she pissed that none of us bought her services?

Risa looks…like she’s trying to be sultry. Her lips are parted, she’s got that vapid look down pat, but I don’t know, I get the feeling she wants money so she can go buy food.

JunLin just stare. I LOVE YOU LINLIN. I HOPE YOU KNOW THIS. Loooove. Loooove. Oh, and Junjun, I like you too. BUT I LOVE LINLIN WUT.

Aika, you’ve got the cutest nose. Right up there with Ianto from Torchwood.

Whoa. Takahashi. I’ve done a bit too much elaborating on how attractive I find her in this PV, so I’ll lay off. I think you know how’d my comment would go already.

KameShige <3. Though wtf are they wearing. Sayu’s in a nightgown, and Eri’s got like…a cotton jumpsuit. Ew. Come on, you can do better than that.

Everybody, this is sexy Koharu. On the…Hello Pro Hour set? I’m not even going to try. She’s really matured, our Koharu. Well, kind of. I’m still trying to figure it out.

“HELP ME!” Omg Sayu. You nearly gave me a heart attack. But yes. Yes yes yes. Sayu is awesome.

And we close with Reina glaring at us some more. Then she smiles at us and walks away. What the hell just happened? I mean, seriously. I got more Reina-glarage in this PV than in any other Momusu media ever. And not one wink. I think she’s possessed. Or has an evil twin named Margo who killed Reina in a poolhouse and has clearly replaced her here.

I know I said I like this song, and I do. But it feels so patchworky and disjointed. The parts don’t flow into one another. Risa’s “Baby baby” sounds out of place. The way the song slows down on Koharu’s line before the chorus and then speeds up again feels like I’m being jerked around and it’s…not pleasant.

Of course, there are some very good parts to this song as well. The “kanashimi ga koda masuru (Wow…)” part is probably my favorite bit of the whole song. Koharu isn’t given notes that she can’t sing, Takahashi is finally utilizing her great deep voice (man voice, if you will) and Reina…she’s okay. I’ll leave it at that. And even if I can’t hear anyone else, well, that’s okay. I can live with that. Does the lack of Linlin upset me? Yes. Do I think it’s a horrible, awful injustice done to her? Well, kind of. Am I going to mourn the lack of her in the song? A little, maybe. But is is a really big deal to me? Well…no. Morning Musume has their fingers in almost everything, from music to TV to stage to advertising to photobooks to radio to…I could go on and on. If I don’t get my Linlin fix one way, I can get it another.

And if anything, Resonant Blue has really made me love Aichan. I’ve always liked her, but she’s never been quite so aggressive or attention-grabbing as here. It’s taken her seven years, but she’s finally inching out of her shell.

And she’s hot. I had to say it again.

The only thing about this single is that there’s very little to say about anyone else. (Other than I LOVE LINLIN AND I WANT TO KEEP HER IN MY CLOSET AND FEED HER SMALL CHILDREN FOR BREAKFAST.) Aika is cute, Junjun is cute, Eri needs to hack off her hair again, Risa needs to buy a straightening iron. The end.

And hey hey this single had a B-side that I didn’t hate with the passion of a thousand wota. Sono Bibibibi Whatever Whatever is catchy, people. I kinda wanted something a little more like Resonant Blue. Anyone remember the greatness that was Kanashimi Twilight with Hand made CITY? There need to be more B-sides that are as good as the A-side. I’m aware they’re not trying to sell us on the B-side. But at least make an effort. You’re wasting my hard drive.

Momusu has put out a string of great singles lately, and I’m a little scared. Everything post-Aruiteru has been great (even Mikan, in my opinion) and it’s feeling a bit precarious. It seems to be a custom to screw up a string of great hits with one that completely sucks, just to throw us all off balance. Please don’t do that to my fragile fan mentality, Tsunku. I beg you.