So. First of all, I realize it’s December hey look it’s almost February isn’t Chiakii lame?, and I’m late as hell. I’ve got really no inspiration as of late. It’s not that I don’t have any real opinion or that I’m losing interest…I just can’t seem to spew out entries. Oh well.

But anyway. I’m stepping over my review of Ongaku Gatas and Berryz and Buono! and C-ute, because no matter what you all say, Momusu is the fucking flagship group of H!P and the Kids are never going to be greater than them. Do you hear me?…well, anyway.

I love “Mikan” so much. It’s not that this is a piece of musical brilliance - it actually sounds very close to several Momusu b-sides that I don’t bother listening to (which is probably why Tsunku and Up-Front thought they could get away with it). But listening to it brings a smile to my face, and watching the PV fills me with this indescribable feeling of warmth and fuzziness. For a Momusu fan, this is a back-to-the-start, and it’s like with that Enchanted movie Disney put out - the idea of a much-loved and now-classic phenomenon returning to their roots gives you the warm fuzzies.But is that really what they need?

With this single, it feels like Morning Musume’s returning to their roots. While this gives longtime fans like you and me (or just me, depending on who you are - you know, it’s way creepy realizing that I don’t know who the hell is reading this) the warm fuzzies, most Japanese people don’t bother to know every Momusu girl and the whole history behind the epic journey of Morning Musume. It’s less that Momusu is a fad that’s out but won’t go away - it’s more that it loses and gains its fanbase with every audition and graduation. As I once read on I believe it was Pink Wota - if you joined the Momusu fandom because you thought Goto Maki was just the greatest thing ever and never got much farther than that, you probably jumped ship around “Koko ni Iruzee!” or “AS FOR ONE DAY” after realizing you could never, ever love another Momusu girl the way you did Gocchin.

Then, you have fans like me: I joined up because I thought the music was catchy and Tanaka Reina was pretty. Now? Music is still catchy, very much so…but Tanaka Reina is my least favorite member. Longtime Momusu fans are the ones that have multiple favorite members (though maybe still in a pecking order) and find new ones with every graduation and audition. Which isn’t to say that the above fan is less of a fan - just someone that really only had one Momusu love, and no one else. It’s almost a crappy romance story.

And “Mikan” really only caters to the second type of fan who will recognize this is as a back-to-the-start kind of song. To anyone else, this is generic pop. It can easily be passed over in favor of something a little more creative.

Morning Musume shouldn’t be going back to their old stuff. The sense of nostalgia is only there for well-known songs like “Love Machine”, but you know what?

Fuck “Love Machine.” (Yes, I just said that.) It’s a classic, it’s got the beat that never gets old…and it’s keeping Momusu from moving forward. There comes a time when songs like “Chokkan 2″ and “Onna ni Sachi Are” need to become staple performances. “Love Machine” is great, but all these performances of it just highlights the OGs - 30-year-old idols that barely work anymore. “Mikan” has the ability to send chills down my back with the Live positively line as well as “Love Machine” ever could.And now that that rambly piece is over (and I really don’t feel I explained myself very well with it…maybe this should be another entry in itself), let’s get superficial.

SAYUMI IS FUCKING GORGEOUS. I really don’t feel Sayu is Rika 2.0. She’s really a new kind of kawaii all by herself. She’s very flirty and coy in a way that makes you feel like she’s got this hidden agenda. For all her frills and rainbow-pinkus, Sayumi’s got this undercurrent of complete evil intelligence, and I think that is what makes me love her so very much. Evil kawaii. Usa-chan will RULE THE FUCKING WORLD.

Still, she was quite an adorable kid, wasn’t she? (She’s still adorable now, actually.) Look at that, throwing us off the scent at the age of what, three? I can see her plotting world domination, and peeking out from under that hat to make sure no one’s coming to usurp her throne…

And you know, she looks mildly demonic here. “Look into my eyes…”

*coughs* Anyway.

Linlin was the CUTEST THING EVER WHEN SHE WAS LITTLE. Seriously. Those braids! The fans! The whatever-it-is she’s wearing! LINLIN!!

Actually, I was very pleasantly surprised by all the screentime Linlin nabbed in this PV. Not as much as the other girls, but Junjun didn’t even show up until well into the second verse, while Linlin weaseled her way into the pre-chorus. Atta girl.

And you can never have too much Linlin, amirite?Though I think she’d benefit from a different hairstyle. The one she has right now doesn’t sit well with her face shape and features.

Linlin actually seems to have a pretty strong voice. I can actually hear her voice distinctly in the chorus. That makes me happy.

Junjun…looks like Chisato, y/n?

It’s hard to say what I dislike about Junjun. Rather, she doesn’t interest me half as much. Cute? Sure. Of course. Funny? She’s got her moments. The banana with Eri, the “Araaa?” when she didn’t get a question on Utaban…I’m sure there are more. But I can’t put my finger on anything extraordinary about her, other than her Internet fame and extreme kawaii. Junjun should be the perfect idol. She’s pretty, she’s got talent, and she seems to be very intelligent - and that’s my problem with her. I can’t find anything wrong with her. My favorite idols all have flaws, from being not traditionally pretty to bad singing to no personality to being extraordinarily clumsy…Junjun doesn’t have any of that. Morning Musume is supposed to give hope to all those offbeat, off-rhythm, klutzy girls out there that one day, they too can be lusted after by salarymen. Or you know, something like that.

Junjun wants YOU to join the Panda Army.

(Just some obligatory PANDA LOVE.)

LOLOLOL Reina’s got an afro. It was really hard to hate her when I saw this picture.

She seems a little more badass in this video, even more so than in “Onna.” Which is strange, considering how much more cutesy “Mikan” is. But her performance in “Onna” felt so…fake, in a way. Maybe we should all accept that Reina just isn’t a badass yankii. In the cutesy setting of “Mikan”, Reina feels a lot more genuine. She’s still winking like crazy, but I think that’s becoming a Reina trademark.

Wink, Reina! Wink like there’s no tomorrow!

You know what? I don’t care what you all say. Takahashi Ai is doing a fantastic job as a leader. Everyone says so - how helpful she is in getting everyone to fit in and work together. Yeah. Oh, and Aichan was a cute kid.

I mean, just look at this. Miki and Yossie might’ve been stronger, more brusque leaders, but Aichan seems like the kind of leader they could be comfortable with. She’s not overwhelmingly senior like Kaori (the other girls seemed scared out of their mind - OMG, original member right there!) but she’s not downright frightening like Miki. She might not be the perfect idol, but if she sticks around (no graduations plz, no graduations plz) I think Aichan might go down as one of the best leaders in Momusu history.

(But no one can beat Yuko - and yes, I’m using this opportunity to post some OG hotness.)

In a way, it feels like a fate kinda thing that Miki left. Miki/Ai felt disjointed in a way…Takagaki was a natural duo that’s been growing and strengthening since 2001. There are just some leader/sub-leader duos that work, and Takagaki is one of them.

Koharu…has a cold sore. I didn’t even notice until Cassie pointed it out to me.

amythystjewl (8:47:20 PM): I love how Koharu has a cold sore in Mikan
tinytantrum (8:47:24 PM): She does?
tinytantrum (8:47:27 PM): O_O
amythystjewl (8:47:29 PM): yesh
amythystjewl (8:47:35 PM): watch her in close ups
tinytantrum (8:47:38 PM): Oh. XD I still only have the DohhhUP version.
amythystjewl (8:47:49 PM): yeah I see it in the DohhhhUP version
tinytantrum (8:47:54 PM): O_O
amythystjewl (8:47:56 PM): it’s blaring
tinytantrum (8:47:59 PM): I hafta find my glasses then.
amythystjewl (8:48:02 PM): rofl
tinytantrum (8:48:54 PM): Where is it on her face? I really want to see now. XD
tinytantrum (8:49:07 PM): OH
amythystjewl (8:49:08 PM): it’s like right above the left center of her lip
tinytantrum (8:49:10 PM): On her lip, yeah?
tinytantrum (8:49:11 PM): I SEE IT!
amythystjewl (8:49:13 PM): yeah
amythystjewl (8:49:14 PM): rofl!
tinytantrum (8:49:16 PM): Oh, wow.
amythystjewl (8:49:21 PM): it’s horrid isn’t it
tinytantrum (8:49:25 PM): I am never going to be able to watch this the same way again.
amythystjewl (8:49:28 PM): ROFL
tinytantrum (8:49:33 PM): I am going to be totally distracted by Koharu’s cold sore.
amythystjewl (8:49:44 PM): and in things where it isn’t
amythystjewl (8:49:49 PM): it’s still gonna be there
amythystjewl (8:49:52 PM): we’ll all imagine it
tinytantrum (8:49:53 PM): WAITING FOR ME!
tinytantrum (8:49:58 PM): *hides under bed*

I love Koharu so much, but that coldsore pretty much haunted me forever. Oh well. Koharu was quite adorable as a kid (though look at that picture! I think Koharu was just born to be an idol, really), so I’ll forgive her. And coldsore aside, she’s gorgeous in “Mikan.”
I don’t have much to say about Koharu, really. I kind of exhausted my more serious opinions a while back, and she hasn’t really changed much.

I do love her little pointing things that she does on the “Chance!” parts. Like, “YOU’VE got a chance! You, specifically! Hey you, you rakkii guy!” Or something like that. (I was just listening to the GAM album, can you tell?)

You know, I’m not sure what everyone loves about Aika. Junjun I can now understand (that quote she gave in TIME completely rocked)…but Aika just hasn’t been pulling me in. Not too fond of her voice either. I’ll give her another year to grow on me, ’cause despite all this, I just can’t bring myself to dislike her. Maybe that’s her secret idol weapon. And I love how she taps Koharu’s hand, and Koha grins. It’s so cute.

And she was fucking adorable as a kid. Though I think that the effect would be diminished somewhat if that dog wasn’t in there.

Gaki looks like my Aunty Susan yay! I’m really glad that Risa’s been getting more lines and screentime. Some say she’d be better as the leader, but if anything, I think Gaki’s not ready for that yet, and that she’s best right now as supporting Aichan. And Aichan is ready, she’s shown it.

It’s funny how Risa’s voice went from being not-so-good to being one of the better ones in the group. It’s not like the standards went down - her voice has just gotten better. I absolutely loved her performance of “Koi no Hana”, though there were some iffy parts. And ever since that performance of “Love Machine” at the 2007 Winter Concert, it’s
just been getting better.

Eri…bores me. I mentioned this before, but it really feels like she’s been regressing. She was very shy initially, then she broke out to be rather humorous around 2005. And then now, she’s grown out her hair again (a major mistake in my opinion) and…now what? She’s kind of Gaki’s partner in crime, but they feel unbalanced. Eri just isn’t interesting anymore. She’s stopped playing up her oddities, and people have stopped making comments about them. It’s like they don’t exist. So where does that leave Kamei? People have said that she’s become hotter, cuter, etc - but that doesn’t mean crap for me. She’s just not as entertaining as she was a few years ago, and all I want to know is what the hell happened? Eri was one of my first Musume loves, and I hate not being able to like her. D:

Though hey, bonus points for bringing back Kameshige. What happened to their friendship? Eri suing Sayu for eating her cookies was one of my favorite Momusu moments - and it was just a hint of what Kameshige were capable of if you tossed them together. So why aren’t they being tossed together? Kamemame (Gaki*Kame to some) just doesn’t have that Kameshige spice. They get along a little too well, it’s boring. They won’t offend each other or get in fights. Friends get in fights, it’s a fact of life. If they’re trying to play up Kamemame as an ideal friendship…well, it just doesn’t work. Tsujikago rarely fought, but they stirred up trouble. There’s no trouble at all in the realm of Kamemame. No fun at all.

And Eri was a cute kid, etc etc etc. She looks like she’s wearing a pot on her head.

A lot of people have mentioned their total hatred for the “cheap green screen” but in my opinion, it at least looks more high-budget than the “dancing on a dark stage *insert closeup here*” kind of PVs H!P has been putting out lately. For God’s sake, if it’s low-budget, at least try to make it look high-budget.

And besides, that gigantic mikan in the background makes up for all of it. Seriously

“Mikan” is both a step forward and backward. The single is good, the sales were not, the Golden Age relation is definitely not good…but maybe now Up-Front will realize that they need to move forward. Japan doesn’t need to hear about getting a chance anymore. I don’t know very much about their economy, but they seem to be doing well enough that lines like “this is an Earth with quite a history” don’t have the same effect on the Japanese public anymore. They need to start singing what people will listen to. “I don’t trust men” seemed like a bit much to some of us, but to a teenage girl who just got her heart stomped on? “Kanashimi Twilight” would probably be her single of choice.

That’s all I can think of for why “Mikan” didn’t sell, besides the fact that it’s not traditionally catchy. But I love it, and that’s what’s important here!

By the way, I very much like Takahashi Ai’s hair. Maybe I’m the only one. It has a very, “Fuck yes, I am the leader now” kind of feel to me. And hey, she doesn’t look too bad. If anything, the choppy style gives a little edge to her Blahkitty persona.

The b-side, “Bonkyu! Bonkyu! BOMB GIRL” is…um, I didn’t actually bother to listen to it. I tried, I really did, but…I can’t really figure out what everyone loves about “Bonkyu.” It’s okay, but I’d really rather listen to the cheerful “Life is one time!” of Mikan. And it didn’t show off the swing style nearly as well as “Mr. Moonlight” or “Popcorn Love!” I fucking love Popcorn Love.

Is “Mikan”’s not-so-stellar sales the reason for the 36th single being pushed back? I doubt it, and I hope not. More importantly, will not the not-so-stellar sales convince Tsunku to stop writing songs like this for them? Or will they be shunted aside even more?

For now, let’s just bask in the glory of Linlin and not ask any questions about it.